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Why Did You Even Get Married? A Guide to Understanding and Improving Your Relationship



But if the context was the process of getting married in a particular legal jurisdiction or in conformity with the dictates of a particular religion, then the question would be along the lines "have you ever married in the state of Florida?




Why Did You Even Get Married



To sum up, both formulations are logically indistinguishable because you cannot have been married unless you first married, and if you ever married, you certainly have been married. So in many contexts they are asking the same question. But in some contexts, one formulation stresses acts, and the other formulation stresses a relationship.


Committing to someone by getting married amplifies all the facets of your relationship. So if you genuinely love and respect one another, that love and respect can grow and evolve in a married couple.


If instead, you feel like the other person is always interfering with your independence, then you either have a mismatch in values (see above) or you have some avoidant tendencies you need to deal with (see my article on attachment styles). Either way, you need to work this out before getting married.


Among married adults who lived with their spouse before getting married and who were not engaged when they moved in together, about two-thirds say they thought of living together as a step toward marriage; 44% of adults who are currently living with a partner and were not engaged when they first started doing so say they thought of it that way when they moved in together.


About four-in-ten cohabiters who are not engaged say they want to get married someday, and 58% in this group say they are very likely to marry their current partner. When asked why they are not currently engaged or married to their partner, many cite financial reasons.


Among married and cohabiting adults, love is cited more than any other reason for why they decided to get married or to move in with their partner: 90% of those who are married and 73% of those living with a partner say love was a major factor in their decision. Majorities in both groups also cite companionship as a major reason why they decided to get married (66%) or to move in with their partner (61%), and 63% of those who are married say they wanted to make a formal commitment.


Making a formal commitment is seen as a more important factor by married adults who did not live with their spouse before marriage. Seven-in-ten in this group say making a formal commitment was a major reason why they decided to get married, compared with 57% of married adults who had already been living together.


More practical reasons come into play to a greater degree for cohabiting adults than for those who are married. About four-in-ten cohabiting adults say moving in with their partner made sense financially (38% say this was a major reason why they decided to move in together) or that it was convenient (37%). Far smaller shares of married adults say these were major factors in their decision to get married (13% and 10%, respectively).


In turn, married adults are about twice as likely as those living with a partner to say that the fact that they wanted to have children someday was a major reason why they decided to get married: 31% of those who are married say this, compared with 14% of cohabiters who cite wanting to have children as a major reason why they decided to move in with their partner.


Among cohabiters, women are more likely than men to say love and wanting to have children someday were major reasons why they moved in with their partner. Eight-in-ten cohabiting women cite love as a major factor, compared with 63% of cohabiting men. And while 17% of women say wanting children in the future was a major factor in their decision to move in with their partner, 11% of men say the same. There are no notable gender differences among married adults.


Overall, about a quarter of those who are living with a partner say they are engaged to be married (27%), while half are not engaged but describe their relationship as very serious; 23% of cohabiters are not engaged and do not describe their relationship as very serious.


Among married adults who lived with their spouse before they were married and who were not yet engaged when they moved in together, 66% say they saw cohabitation as a step toward marriage when they first started living with their now-spouse. About four-in-ten cohabiters who were not engaged when they moved in with their partner (44%) say they thought of it this way when they started living with their partner, but the share rises to 63% when looking only at those who have since gotten engaged. A majority of married adults who lived with their spouse before marriage (73%) or who are currently engaged (84%) say they were not engaged when they first moved in with their partner.


About four-in-ten adults who are living with a partner and are not currently engaged (41%) say they want to get married someday, while 24% say they do not want to get married and 35% are not sure. Cohabiters who have never been married (49%) are more likely than those who are divorced or widowed (23%) to say they want to get married in the future.


About six-in-ten cohabiters who are not engaged and say they would like to get married in the future (58%) say they are very likely to marry their current partner; 27% say this is somewhat likely, while 14% say it is not too or not at all likely that they will marry their partner. About one-in-five in this group (18%) say they and their partner often talk about getting married, while 48% say they talk about this sometimes and 34% say they and their partner rarely or never talk about getting married.


Two-thirds of cohabiting adults who are not engaged but say they would like to get married someday cite either their partner or themselves not being ready financially as a major or minor reason why they are not engaged or married to their current partner. About three-in-ten (29%) say their partner not being ready financially is a major reason and another 24% say this is a minor reason why they are not engaged or married. Similarly, 27% say their own lack of financial readiness is a major reason, while 29% say it is a minor reason.


Among adults who are living with a partner and are not engaged but want to get married someday, 21% say the fact that they are not far enough along in their job or career is a major reason why they are not engaged or married to their current partner; another 24% say this is a minor reason.


Relatively small shares of cohabiters who are not engaged say they feel pressure to marry their partner: about a quarter say they feel at least some pressure from family members (26%) or from society (26%), while even smaller shares say they feel pressure from their partner (17%) or from their friends (11%). Similar shares of engaged cohabiters who got engaged after moving in with their partner say they felt pressure to get married after they moved in together.


Four couples, who are also best friends since college, converge in a house in the mountains for a week-long retreat. This ritual of sorts aims to help them work out their marital problems and ask the question "Why did I get married?". Though the couples have committed to being physically present for the week, some of them have not been emotionally present in their respective marriages for quite some time. The week is not planned out in a well-programmed sequence, so the events unfold somewhat spontaneously, beginning with their "adventures" in getting up to the mountain retreat.


In the mountains, Sheila settles into a new life at her new job at the general store owned by Troy's father. The two bond while she gradually realizes her self-worth. Angela cooks dinner for Marcus after finishing with her list. Although he suspects she is trying to poison him at first, they reunite and set new conditions. Dianne goes to see Terry and begs him to come back home after crying over her list. He plays with her head a little to get back at her, but they eventually reconcile as well.


The soundtrack was released by Atlantic Records on October 2, 2007. Neither Janet Jackson nor Jill Scott are featured on the soundtrack. The soundtrack debuted at number 51 on Billboard 200, number seven on R&B/Hip-Hop Albums and number six on Soundtracks with 58,000 copies sold in first week.[14][15]


If you are married or in a registered partnership, you automatically get responsibility for any children who are born or adopted during that marriage or partnership. The man automatically becomes their legal father. He does not need to acknowledge the children, even if he is not their biological father.


If you are a mother who is not married but is legally an adult, you automatically get parental responsibility. This applies unless you have a mental disorder or you have been placed under a guardianship order for adults (curatele).


If you are a mother who is married to or in a registered partnership with another woman and the child has no lawful father, you will both get automatic parental responsibility. This applies for example in the case of an anonymous sperm donor or a known donor who has not acknowledged the child. The female partner of the birth mother is referred to as the duomoeder.


You may file a joint return if you were married as of December 31, in the tax year. It does not matter whether or not you were living with your spouse. You may file a joint return, even if you and your spouse filed separate federal returns.


If you live in one of the nine community property states (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin) or Alaska, where newlyweds can opt in to community property rules (but seldom do), debt assumed during your marriage is understood to be "community" responsibility, with each spouse under equal obligation for repayment. No matter whether both spouses agreed to the debts, or even whether both knew about them, both are equally responsible to cover them.


If you live in any of the other states, or choose not to opt in Alaska, your marital debt will follow common-law rules, which allow spouses to take on debt as individuals even after marriage. Common-law rules also allow for spouses to maintain separate bank accounts, borrow money as individuals, get car loans and credit cards accounts individually, and assume other debts individually. 2ff7e9595c


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